On a cool and calm Saturday evening my husband Brendon had just arrived home from work, our almost 3 year old daughter Maia was having a sleepover at her Mimi’s, and Brendon and I were casually getting ready for a nice dinner date at our favourite restaurant to celebrate our one year Wedding Anniversary, which was the following day. We had planned to celebrate that night and follow it up with a much needed sleep in the following morning.
Our booking at the restaurant was quite late due to a lack in availability. I’m a big believer in everything happening for a reason and boy am I grateful for that late booking looking back. It was around 7pm that labour started for me, only I was in complete and total denial of it being labour at that point in time. I had been so looking forward to our date and I was utterly determined to go on that date. Nothing was going to stop me! (Except labour haha).
“I think we need to cancel” said Brendon as I told him promptly for the 5th time “No, I just need a minute. Just give me a minute” as I moaned and breathed heavily sitting on the shower floor with hot water running over my body. I was in serious pain but I couldn’t feel any contractions happening, so I truly believed it was just false labour, especially as I had experienced very similar just a few nights prior. I got out of the shower determined to get dressed and go out to dinner. It was then, looking at myself in the mirror, that I saw my belly contracting and realised this was quite potentially the real deal. We called off dinner, and still in denial, I took myself to the bath where I stayed for quite a long time. This was not how I wanted things to be. Our daughter was at Mimis’ and I wanted her there for the birth. I didn’t want anyone outside of my birth team to know I was in labour. This was a sacred time that I wanted to have completely to ourselves. We had promised our daughter Maia she’d be there and she was so excited to watch her sibling be birthed into the world.
Keeping my word to Maia is something I take very seriously and it was all I could think about during those early hours of labour. That and messaging my best friend. I remember laying on the bathroom floor having back to back contractions, staring at my phone right in front of me, really wanting to let my bestie know “it’s happening!” , but just laying there staring at the phone like it was the most impossible task. And it was.
Brendon was texting back and forth with our birth team and I was finding it difficult to make the call as to whether this was the real deal or not. It was VERY different to the way my first labour began and the contractions were all over the place but extremely close together. It definitely didn’t mimic the definition of “true labour”.
Of course it was the weekend that my midwife was away and was 1.5hrs drive away rather than her usual 20 minutes. My photographer was also over an hour away. I would have felt awful if they drove all that way for a false alarm, but I also didn’t want them to miss the birth. In that moment I decided to release all doubts and expectations, to forget what dr google and the hospital told me made it “real labour”, to trust in my own instincts and intuition, and so I gave Brendon the nod.
My beautiful Private Midwife Nicole, who had supported me through my entire pregnancy, arrived to find me laying on my side on the bathroom floor. Whilst I was breathing through contractions she calmly, gently, and very quietly let me know of her presence. After checking on me and assuring I was doing a great job Nicole joined Brendon to help him fill up the birth pool. My birth photographer Alex arrived and she was also very gentle and relaxed with her entry into the birth space.
As soon as the birth pool was filled Nicole asked if I wanted to move into it to which I responded yes. The pool was warm, calm, and felt like my own little personal private birthing cave. I feel like once I was in the pool I felt safe and gave my body full permission to dive deep and to bring my baby earthside. Contractions intensified quickly and pushing began.
I have no memory of my second midwife Shellanda arriving, but I think it was while I was in the pool prior to Maia’s arrival. A planned home birth is required to have two midwives; your primary midwife who has worked with you throughout your pregnancy, and a secondary midwife who joins you for the birth. That’s who Shellanda was for me.
Sometime in amongst my time in the pool Maia arrived. 11.28pm according to text messages. Brendon had made the call only about 30 minutes earlier to organise her being dropped off, and being a couple months shy of 3 years old, and only recently woken up, you can imagine how sleepy and still a bit dazed she would have been at almost midnight. Walking into mummy in the depths of labour was not ideal, and not what we had planned, but we had prepared her well. I discussed pregnancy, babies and birth with Maia every single day of my pregnancy. We read many books about home birth, pregnancy and becoming a big sister. We discussed EVERYTHING from the noises mummy might make to birthing the placenta. She was well prepared and her knowledge of what to expect was vast.
Maia was a little bit overwhelmed when she first entered the birth space and asked to go to bed. I was roaring baby out at this point and it definitely would have been a bit scary walking straight into that. I remember being very aware of how different I felt pushing this baby out compared to my first labour. I had zero fear, I wasn’t scared about being torn open or the pain of each wave, I knew the harder I pushed the sooner baby would be here, so man was I pushing.
Ten minutes after going to her room Maia decided she was ready to join us. Brendon set her up with a special box I had put together for her containing a new toy, lots of easy to grab snacks, her birth and pregnancy books incase she wanted to revisit them, a new book and lots of water. This gave her independence whilst also giving her something to feel special and be excited about.
Maia tottered in and out for the remainder of labour and had great fun building her new train set. I told Nicole baby was coming on the next push because I knew Maia really wanted to see that part. Nicole yelled “Maia the baby’s coming!” And Maia came running in to see baby’s head poking out. Her eyes lit up. This was the part she had been so excited for. It was her favourite part of her birth books.
His head was out. I felt so relieved knowing the hardest part of birth was over. I honestly felt like “aaaah it’s over” even though it wasn’t. I did a couple more pushes to turn baby and then one more to push him out. I reached down to grab my baby boy and pulled him up onto my chest. Strider Dave Ocean was born at 12.20am on 03/03/24; our one year wedding anniversary, weighing 3.16kg and measuring 49cm.
Strider’s middle name “Dave” is in honour of my Uncle Dave who passed in 2014. He was a truly special soul whom I called “Super Dave” and he certainly earned that title. I feel proud to have a little piece of him weaved into my son.
This birth was SO EASY. Mentally and emotionally I mean. There was no fear, no need to fight the system, no need to look over my shoulder, no lack of trust in the people around me, and I just felt SAFE.
Physically it was hard but so much shorter than my first and I had an even deeper trust in my body and it’s ability.
After staring into my baby boy’s eyes for a while we all moved to the couch where Strider had his first feed and Maia so beautifully explained to me that baby was trying really hard to get milk from my boobies 🥹.
I think it was about an hour later that I birthed the placenta. I mentioned to Nicole that I was feeling very uncomfortable and was in quite a bit of pain. I said to her “I feel like it’s right there”, indicating that I could feel my placenta sitting in my pelvis. They helped me move to the toilet with a bowl sitting inside to catch the placenta. It literally took seconds once I sat down and it basically fell out of me. I felt so much relief. NOW it was over 😅.
Naturally, I had left a trail of blood from the couch to the toilet, and I would later find out from Brendon that sweet Maia had quickly and confidently grabbed a towel and began mopping it up whilst informing everyone that “there’s a lot of blood”. Maia was not only confident and unphased by the blood but also such an incredible helper. I was so proud of her. She loved being a part of everything and now 6 weeks later is asking to watch the birth video regularly (up to 3 times a day).
We moved to the bedroom where Brendon cut the cord, baby boy was weighed, measured and lovingly checked over, and when all of that was done I went for a shower whilst Dad had his first cuddle. The shower was freezing as the hot water had been used up from keeping the birth pool warm, not something we had anticipated haha, so I quickly hosed off and got out.
Our beautiful birth team, who had emptied the pool, cleaned up the birth area, and had even put the washing on for us, tucked us into bed and said their goodbyes. We felt so nourished, cared for, protected & respected.
This pregnancy was so incredibly different to my first. The medical professionals had warned me time and time again that if I were to have a boy it would be even more challenging than my first. Thankfully they were so very wrong and, physically speaking, it was a pretty standard pregnancy. I was very heavily monitored the whole way through with lots of bloods, supplements and very annoying hospital appointments, but I am so very proud and happy to say I had zero admissions.
Emotionally and mentally however…this pregnancy challenged me to my core. I’ve never felt so angry and irrationally upset in my life. It was truly awful and it only got worse as the pregnancy progressed. I felt like there was a demon living inside me and turning me into someone I truly did not like. I hated the way I felt and it took a lot of self control and self reflection to be a good mama during that time. The second I was no longer pregnant I felt like my usual calm and happy self. I am so thankful to be back and to not be sharing my body anymore.
Birthing in the safety of my home with my family was an amazing, beautiful and peaceful experience. It’s how I always knew I would birth my babies. It felt natural and primal. The way it’s meant to be. I never wanted to birth in a hospital and I never want to ever again. In hindsight, I’m actually really grateful for my hospital birth now, as now I have truly felt and experienced the difference between each, and know even more so how truly important the chosen birth space for a woman is. Watching Striders birth video brings me so much joy, peace, pride and overwhelming love for my family. We did that! Us. Team BAMS 👊🏼🫲🏻
Ashleigh’s first birth story is also available on this blog if you’d like to read it here.
Ash’s birth team
