Giving birth is a sacred time for a woman, it’s revolutionary and ancient, it’s a rite of passage. Our bodies are beautifully designed to grow and nourish human life, then to birth. I absolutely cherish the birth space, it’s so empowering. When I found out I was pregnant with our third baby I completely devoured myself in everything that was birth.
I knew this was our last baby and having had medical interventions with my last two births, I was adamant this time to create a space where I could birth naturally. I wanted to be left alone to birth my baby and trust that my body knew exactly what to do without fear of interference. Being our last baby, it was important for me to capture this sacred moment. I had been following Alex’s Instagram page for some time and saw her amazing work, both on film as well as birth photography. Luke and I loved her style and we reached out to her very early on. We met Alex and bonded straight away, she also became our doula. Alex’s support and encouragement both during and after the birth is always something I will cherish.
At 40+3 things started to shift both physically and mentally, and I felt ready.
That night in bed I began to visualise my birth whilst listening to a hypnobirthing meditation. In my thoughts I envisioned my mum, who has passed, helping guide me through birth and asked her to give me a sign she was with me. When my partner came to bed that night, I asked him the time, he said 11:11 not understanding the spiritual connection. I felt that was mum letting me know she was there.
From that night I began having regular Braxton Hicks, I felt that rush of excitement, could this be the night? Is it really happening? But by morning the surges dissipated.
On Friday at 5pm I rang my midwife Linda but the phone got diverted and I spoke with another midwife Jane who was on call that night. I’d never met Jane, she usually works privately doing home births but due to staff shortages was filling in. She asked me a few questions about the surges and felt they were Braxton Hicks. She told me to try and stay home as long as I could but if things changed to call her back as it would take her an hour to gets the birth center.
For the next couple of hours I worked through the surges, still 3-4mins apart. The rest of the family were having fish and ships for dinner, I couldn’t stomach something so greasy, instead Luke’s mum made me a jam sandwich.
At about 7pm I began feeling really uncomfortable. Surges were coming 2-3mins apart. I felt conflicted on what to do. I knew this baby could come fast, I was worried about the drive and it was pouring with rain, so Luke rang Jane and she said to meet her at the birth centre. I felt that was the best decision, the boys had gone to bed and I knew the baby was coming in the next few hours. I needed to get to the birth centre to settle in and get into my birthing zone. Luke rang Alex to meet us there.
We met Jane and Alex out the front of the hospital and made our way upstairs to the birth centre. The entire floor was empty, we had the whole place to ourselves.
Alex beautifully set candles around the bath, she hung fairy lights and my affirmation cards throughout the room for me to read.
Since the contractions had halted from the drive, Jane and Alex gave Luke and I time to be alone to get the oxytocin pumping again. Luke gave me a head massage and rubbed my back. I knew he was in for a long night too, so I told him to have a sleep in the bed. I knew I could get back in the zone on my own.
The next couple of hours I walked around the room swaying rhythmically with my TENS and did a guided hypnobirthing meditation.
At about 10pm my breathing started to change and I began moaning during a contraction. I felt like I was entering a new phase of the labour. I remember thinking back to interviews with Rhea Dempsey and her explaining the ‘crisis of confidence’ usually around 3-4cm, 7cm and again at transition. This is when a woman has self-doubt and loses confidence in her ability to birth naturally. I knew I had to mentally push through those barriers.
Walking around the room the surges began taking my breath away. Luke was still asleep and I hadn’t seen Jane for a few hours. I remember feeling slightly alone at that point. I vividly remember looking up at the clock and it was 11:11. I wasn’t alone, my mum was there with me.
Alex came back into the birth space shortly after and I asked to get into the bath. I remember her and Luke having little quiet conversations and this felt comforting to hear familiar voices.
I asked someone to get Jane as I was starting to feel pressure below and the sensation to push. When she came in, we decided to do another vaginal examination, this was my decision as I didn’t want to be pushing if I wasn’t fully dilated. She examined me and told me I still had cervix there but it was soft and ‘squishy’ so if I needed to push and it felt right, she was happy for that to happen.
I wasn’t sure where to position myself. I was getting bad back and hip pain during the surges, I asked Jane if the baby was posterior and she replied ‘slightly’. The TENS machine wasn’t helping me at this point so I decided to get back in the bath.
A couple of deep surges later I felt my waters broke. I remember yelling it out loudly and thinking surely this is it, I’m not far away.
Jane came over to expect the water and yep there it was......meconium. The word I didn’t want to hear. I knew exactly what that meant but I asked Jane ‘what now?’ and she said ‘transfer to the hospital’. If you give birth in a birth centre any complication that arises it’s an automatic transfer to the hospital.
Jane walked off to get the doppler and I yelled out to her ‘can I refuse to go?’ and she answered ‘you can refuse anything’.
Jane asked to do another vaginal examination during a contraction to see how far down the baby’s head was. If it was still high up I had no choice but to be moved to another hospital. I slowly got out of the bath and walked over to the bed, she examined me while having a contraction and I have never been in that much agony, I screamed for her to remove her hands. It was that unbearable. The head was still high.
She called the doctor at the other hospital to inform him and she requested I stayed out of the bath so there was no risk of the baby breathing in the water when being birthed.
I couldn’t get back in the bath and I had to get this baby out asap otherwise I was being transferred and the cascade of interventions was looming.
Alex could see the defeat in my face and suggested I go on all fours at the back of the bed, so we did. Contractions were coming in strong and Jane requested the monitor be attached to make sure the baby wasn’t in distress. I reluctantly agreed.
My body took over and the pushing began, I had no control over my body at this stage. It literally pushed when it needed to push, I just had to muster the mental strength to go with it and focus on my breathing.
I could feel the intense burn of head crowning but I didn’t know if anyone could see it. This part seemed to go for ages and I couldn’t understand why no one was saying anything. I’m sure they probably were but I was in another world. I still have vivid flashbacks of that moment.
Unbeknownst to me Jane had left the room to clean up something. I felt things were stalling and I was panting. Then somewhere in the panic and chaos there came a focus, and I bared down and pushed, I could feel the head moving down slowly. Jane returned back to the room and as clear as day she yelled ‘oh the baby’s heads out’.
I felt Jane’s fingers repositioning the baby’s shoulders and the rest of the body slipped out. I heard the first cry and knew the baby was breathing but I physically couldn’t move, almost like I was paralysed. Luke said ‘I’ll tell you in a second they are just cleaning the baby up’ but I got another burst of energy and turned around and saw a little baby girl. I scooped her up in my arms straight away all tangled in umbilical cord and the wires of the TENS machine, she was slimy and warm, I was shaking and my arms trembling from the adrenaline. I couldn’t speak, I was so over whelmed I just bawled my eyes out.
We had 3 beautiful golden hours of skin to skin and delayed cord clamping. She did the breast crawl and fed on and off all that time. I soaked up her smells and her little noises, the oxytocin was flowing and we were in love.
Olivia CJ Canham, born on 2nd July 2022 at 2:03am at Murwillumbah Hospital Birth Centre. My beautiful baby girl, my little ray of sunshine, our family is complete.
Birth changes you, it’s an amazing journey but it is also unpredictable, it’s messy, it’s hectic and overwhelming but I wouldn’t have it any other way and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Alex has captured moments of my life that I could have easily forgotten. With all of the chaos and lack of sleep in the first few months of my daughter’s life, I’m so glad she captured memories I will treasure for a lifetime.
We contacted Alex as soon as labour started and kept in contact as it progressed. She met us at the birth center late on a rainy, cold winters night and beautifully went about setting up the room with candles, fairy lights and hung my birth affirmation cards around the room.
Alex working her magic in the background capturing video and beautiful pictures. At one point, my labor stalled and Alex provided some helpful suggestions that improved my labor.
After the birth of my daughter, she stayed and got some incredible shots and videos of our first moments as a family. Alex has given us something that we can reflect on and relive everyday. The more I watch it the more I fall in love with it. Alex did an amazing out of the world job capturing lifetime memories for us. Olivia will love watching this when she is older, what an incredible gift for her.
I really can't thank Alex enough in words.
