I’ve been in a little oxytocin love bubble, soaking up Iggy. I am just so in love and he has given me the healing I needed, I didn’t realise how much I needed it. He has shifted the weight that was draped around my neck - I didn’t realise how heavy it really was. But having him earth side - I feel so light and full of so much love. I feel like I can smile and laugh again with lightness. I feel like I am emerging from a haze. A holding pattern.

The last 2.5 years have been all-consuming. With grief and a desire to bring another baby into the world, nothing else has mattered. But I am finally ready to re-enter the world. I have hidden myself away for 2.5 years. I have avoided social events, I have been a distant friend, I have tapped out of so many things. I unfollowed accounts and muted friends who had new babies, especially baby girls.
It felt harsh, but I had to do this to protect my heart. I knew my life would not feel right again until I had another baby in my arms. Now Iggy is here, I can finally look ahead. I can plan holidays, catch ups with friends, visits back to my home town, unmute my friends accounts, and reach out to people. It feels so nice to feel like me again.

It still hurts to see baby girls, but it hurts a lot less now that Iggy is here. With him here there is a feeling of completeness. Our family is complete. We have 5 children, 4 in our arms and 1 in our hearts. This is not how I ever pictured our family to look, I will forever wish that Elke was here with us too. But I know she is deeply intertwined with Iggy, I feel her presence within him, and that brings me comfort. For anyone still waiting for their rainbow, hang in there. It took 2.5 years and 4 more losses to get him. He was worth the wait 🌈

Our beautiful boy Iggy was welcomed earthside on 7/4/22. It was another beautiful natural birth, no pain relief and VERY quick. Iggy is our 5th baby. Our 4th baby, Elke, was stillborn in 2019 at 36 weeks gestation. There was no reason given for her death. Navigating this pregnancy was tough from the beginning – I had to constantly manage my anxiety, and my fear of losing another child. However, deep down I knew that this little man was here to stay. I just had to get through 40 weeks of worry to meet him!

It was quite a journey to get there in the end. My OB gave me the option to induce from 37 weeks because of our previous stillbirth. It never felt right to me to induce at 37 weeks, as I had natural births at 40 weeks with our first 3. I really wanted to experience an intervention free birth if possible. So I set myself a goal to get to 37 weeks and see how I felt. In my mind 36 weeks was the hurdle to get past, and considering I had to go at least 1 week past, I thought that I may as well see if I could keep going. The plan was to assess at 37 weeks and see where my mind was at.

At 35 weeks – we experienced floods here in the Northern Rivers. I was cut off from Lismore hospital and my OB, and my mum and Leon were in Brisbane and the highway was cut off north! This was the same week that we lost Elke – so it was an extremely stressful week, but I just had to lean into trust. I reached out to a homebirth midwife who came to do heartbeat checks at home and give me the emotional support I needed. It was a really interesting process to go through. I realised I was perfectly ok if I went into labour and had a homebirth – it helped a lot with my anxiety and fear of something going wrong. I had no other choice – so I had to fully surrender. After 3 days the roads opened up and I was able to access the hospital and my OB again. However I kept the midwife coming weekly for heartbeat checks and emotional support. 

I got to 37 weeks and was feeling mentally strong. I felt like I could do another week. My OB was happy for me to continue, with increased monitoring. I got to 38 weeks and felt like I could do another week. We discussed a stretch and sweep and possible membrane rupture for 39 weeks. That felt good in my body, so I settled in with 39 weeks as the end date. Would you believe at 38+6 I tested positive for covid!? My OB didn’t want to induce while I was positive, so I was told I had to wait until day 7. I just rested all week and tried to get myself better. I had daily checks with my homebirth midwife to ease my anxiety. 

I asked for a stretch and sweep at 39+5. I lost my mucous plug and had some minor niggles, but nothing happened.

I got to Day 7 and then the hospital said – actually you need to get to day 10!!! So more surrender and had to wait another 3 days. This was important to me, because it meant that the staff didn’t have to wear PPE and I would be treated as “normal”, and Leon would be able to stay after the birth. 

We finally made it to day 10 (40+2). I went in and my membranes were ruptured at 11am. Mild surges started at 12pm – about 10 mins apart. By 12.45 these had stopped. So I put on a hypnosis track called “Baby Come Out” and lay on the bed. I text Alex who was waiting in her car for the green light to come up – and I told her I was going to do a meditation and see how the next 30mins goes.

The most incredible thing happened! With 3 minutes to go on the track (from memory when it says the baby comes out the birth canal) I got the most intense contraction, where I had to stand up and breath and sway. From that point on, my surges were consistent, a few minutes apart. I text Alex at 1.15pm and said – you better come in. It took her 45 mins to get through hospital covid procedures – and by the time she arrived in the room I wasn’t talking through surges.

At 2.30pm the midwife asked if I thought we needed to call the OB, as I knew my body best. I thought I had another few hours, so she left the room. At 3pm she came back in and I was having surges back to back and definitely was no longer talking!! It was game on. 

30 minutes of active labour and very intense surges, I felt the need to bear down. A few breaths and our beautiful rainbow baby boy was born in to the world at 3.30pm.

Iggy Bowes. 3.85kg. 40+2.

It was the most healing birth and I am so happy that I only needed my membranes ruptured to bring labour on. Experiencing this birth and having the photos and video are so special to me. So much healing has taken place with this special little man, a gift sent to us from his big sister Elke.